Not Good Enough...

I never was and I'll never be good enough in some people's eyes. 

And that's probably why I slowly, but surely, stopped trying. 'Cause no matter how hard I tried, my best wasn't good enough and there were always people that were never satisfied. I started to realize that I just can't please everybody in this life! I can't make everybody happy. Because people are different. I don't even know what their targets are, but I'm sure that, right now, in this moment, 

there are at least 10 people that are not happy because of me.

What should I do? Is there something that can "install" peace all around? 'Cause that's all I really need right now. Peace..will I ever live a peaceful life? Is that even possible? Or I'm just becoming a dreamer? 'Cause peace sounds like a luxury right now. :(

Why do people have expectations? How do people know exactly what they have to do and what they have to say? Why I always hope for good to happen? Why I even wake up every morning and think: "Oh, it's going to be a nice day?"; but all I get at the end is another shitty day?

How do I still have hope? What I'm waiting for?

Maybe I do still believe, because I heard a very interesting quote some years ago: 

"Everything will be ok in the end.

If it's not ok, it's not the end!"

Is that true? I hope it is. Because I start to feel useless. I feel like I only make people around me sad and I hate to see that people I love the most are hurt. I don't want to hurt people anymore.. I'm not a criminal! I'm just... undecided! :(

I... just... don't know how to start my life.. Suddenly, everything seems so damn hard.. How I'm supposed to know exactly how to deal with this life? 'Cause, I don't know about others, but my life doesn't came with instructions!! I don't know how to face everything that happens to me right now. I'm... scared! :(

That's not fair! And what's the most strange is that I don't even know when it became so hard.. It just did... like out of nowhere!!

So why do people expect me to know exactly what to do? Why do they rush me, telling me that I have to go there, I have to do this and that, otherwise my life would be...worthless :( 

They scare the shit out of me! I'm just trying to figure out how to start this.. and they think that I don't even think about it.. Well, I do think about it! Like, a lot!

Instead of telling me things like this, why don't try to teach me? To make me understand, without making me scared..

I really thought that growing up would be fun, but... I was wrong! And I hate to admit that!

Totally! I can't wait for these hard times to pass by. 'Cause I'm so excited for that part of my life where everything is under control! I can't wait to learn and understand how to control everything.. and by everything I mean my life!

Maybe in the future, like 5 years from now, everything will be just fine!

I hope so.Yes, I still do!

#ThisLife