Still here. Still trying..

                                                          "OMG you're so strong!"

                         

     But I gotta tell you that I'm not as strong as they think I am. Nobody really knows how I feel inside or what hides behind my every smile. The fact that my mom is not here anymore and that my heart is broke into thousand small pieces, will never change! My heart is still working because I have good people around me! Otherwise I'd be gone by now...

     And I don't want anyone to think that I'm wearing a mask and that I am fake, or that I don't appreciate all the amazing people I have around me, I'm not that selfish, but I just try to be how my mother would want to see me: happy, funny, crazy, in good mood, always smiling, brave, hard-working, smart and classy. That's how she liked to live! What I really  mean is that I have bad days or moments. And by "bad" I mean like really bad! Depression...

Is just...My mother taught me everything, except how to live without her! :( 

Because every memory of her makes me want to cry. Since she slipped away, she always been on my mind...

Why did she have to fly away like that?

I wish I were strong enough to get in my head that she's gone..but her memory won't leave me alone..I just..miss her so much!!!

And it's hard when, for example, I get home every evening after work. My house is empty. 

HOME ISN'T HOME WITHOUT MOM! :(

But there's a quote I like: "You never realize how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have!"

And I wrote a post about crying and how I feel about that. Please click here to read it, to understand my emotions better.

Let me just say that when I cry..I'm not doing that because I want to be "the drama queen"or somethin', but because my emotions are too strong! Sometimes I cry not because I feel weak. I do that because sometimes I feel that I've been strong for too long.. And in these moments I feel like something is breaking inside my chest..And it hurts, but that pain is not physical pain... There's nothing that really hurts physically.. I just think that my soul is the one that is in pain.

I don't know if you, guys, can understand what I'm sayin' but I hope that makes sense. To me, it does.

And, for now, I think I have to accept that some things will never go back to how they used to be..

I just want to say thank you to my boyfriend, my family, my friends and my coworkers for understanding me and please give me some time to recover...I know sometimes I tend to be a badass bitch, but I swear I don't mean it! Just.. don't take it to heart! I promise that someday I'll be "fine" again. For good! 

But until then, please be kind to me, don't take me too serious when I say bad things and be patient with me!

                                                          Yours,